Sadly starting off this week (Sunday night) by being assulted and left half naked by side road ... A far few scraches and bruises and head bumps - Ambulance people were very kind but didn't want to go to Hospital as, if anyone with a record of drug abuse is admitted, we're treated like (Words fail me) - Badly bascially.. self-afflicted is frowned upon...
Bit shook up and going out for normal day to day things isn't easy, but using self-tuaght coping mechanisms and it's slowly getting a touch easier...
I had only been out for a meal with an ex - didn't drink (meth & drink is a 100% nono for me...not just for the obvious health reasons, but am not fond of losing control at mo, especially when I need to keep myself mindful at all times - Almost zen like Focus is a hard thing at best of times..)...
I am OK - few things missing,(clothing, IPod, Money) but alive so I am thankful for that...
Apologies for the rather self- pitying tone here - I'm still a little concussed I think...
Tuesday, June 17
50...
Saturday, June 14
(Still on) 60...
..and going fine. Was supposed to be coming down another 10 this week, but for some reason they've left me on 60.
Hopefully starting working at end of week - mail sorting of all things - Never really done a "mindless" job before so not really sure how it'll go. It's nights as well; which, I'm hoping, will suit having to go to chemist everyday. It'll be cool not to have to make excuses for time off all the time.
(Haven't actually got the job yet so this may well all be wishful thinking...)
Wednesday, June 11
Friday, June 6
60...
All ok and feeling fine...
Monday, June 2
60..
Missed a few days updates...Apologies...
Down to 60 now - Am noticing a bit of achey arms in the morning, but it's nothing much and is getting easier day by day.
On Unsupervised pickup now, so I can take each days dose home, rather than take it in the chemist, which is a touch more civilised. Am tempted to use this as way to get down a bit quicker; I don't mind a bit of withdrawal pain.
Wednesday, May 28
70....
Missed a couple of days updates; Let's just say you ain't missed much and leave it at that...
Sunday, May 25
35...
Half dose today.
Saturday, May 24
Dosage 70...
No giro so still no money, and indeed no money until Tuesday at very earliest. I'm at a loss to find swearwords that contain enough venom to give that sentence it's deserved feeling.
Friday, May 23
Dosage 70
Feel ok...Totally skint so got Friday Night Stay In blues. I guess I've achieved a few things this week but still silently angry at myself for getting this low again.
Thursday, May 22
Wednesday, May 21
Dosage 70
Still feeling fine - a few affairs of the heart are filling my mind at the moment; some loves are fading and others are starting. Having moments of doubt about getting clean and how little willpower I have when temptation strikes - M has at least taken that pressure away.
Tuesday, May 20
Monday, May 19
Dosage 70
Feeling ok - From past experience these first few reductions are fairly pain free; it's once you get down to 30/40 ish the reduction becomes noticeable. Made things up with my partner so I guess that may have something to do with me feeling a bit brighter than usual. I think he's glad I'm making the effort to get rid of this daily ritual; it's made going anywhere over night a complete pain.
Sunday, May 18
Saturday, May 17
Opiate Addiction
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Dosage
Saturday so it's pickup twice day 140ml - Always tempting to do both lots in one go in search of some buzz (not really worth it, to be honest).
Friday, May 16
Dosage
Currently on 70ml a day.
Here Goes....
I've lost count of the number of times I've got myself "clean" with Methadone - and I've never been able to find any idea of the ups and downs from the Internet. It's not an easy process and, to be honest, it would have helped to have at least some small voice whispering in my ear "Hang on in there; the discomfort will ease up - be strong and all that".